May 2012
41 posts
I miss waking up disturbed by the morning heat and find you in your slumber right next to me. Our skins may not be touching, considering the rising temperature as the morning subsides, but knowing that it will be your face that I see when I awake once again in the afternoon is more than enough to keep me invigorated.
“I’m all yours. My body, femininity and heart are all yours. Forever.”
“Go after her. Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really.”
—Harvey Milk
Constantly fixing my sleeping pattern has got to be the most difficult thing I’ve done this summer. I’ve always been a nocturnal person since I could remember. I’ve been sleeping after breakfast and waking up before dinner as of late, but today I’ll try to stay awake as much as possible. It’s only 1PM, I still have the whole fucking day ahead of me and I’m not really enjoying any bit of it. Being awake at this hour is so fucking challenging, what with everyone - with the exception of my mom - being in the house, and I’m hearing all this whining and screaming back and forth between my little brother and his father. I’ve been awake for less than 20 hours now. I’m tempted to throw a fit in front of my so-called stepfather because his cries of anger at my kid brother is not only unnecessary but it’s quite pathetic as well. Everyone in this house is getting on my nerves. I need some rest but I need to survive this day without even closing my eyes and going to dreamland. Even if I want to.
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“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.”
—Charles Bukowski
